I’ve made this blog entirely just for the events that occurred, my apologies, and to maintain my promise of deletion, while still being able to respect the parties involved.
What I’ve done in the past cannot be changed and will not be changed; what I’ve done to too many people is something unforgivable and disgusting. I’ve made too many uncomfortable and manipulated too many into what I wanted at the time.
The manipulative and predatory nature of my remarks and actions are and were uncalled for.
At no point in the entirety of any of these occurrences did I attempt to manipulate or assault on purpose; the entirety of the time I myself believed that there was consent. Regardless of whether or not I thought this, however, my belief of consent was based on implication and implication alone. By pressing myself onto others with the thought that they were ok with it, I made far too many uncomfortable and hurt far too many people I care about emotionally. This is inexcusable, disrespectful, and above all sickening.
Although I stated previously that many of these encounters were from a lack of recognition to social cues, there is no excuse for my actions. My lack of attention to consent and the consistency of this consent was irresponsible and entirely selfish; in other words, entirely my fault.
Change is imperative. I’m going to prevent this from ever happening again. I will never subject any other person to what I’ve done to all of those involved. By reviewing and reflecting on all of the responses and personal testimonies, I have found exactly what I was doing wrong and how it made those people uncomfortable. I apologize for sounding like a child in saying something along the lines of “I didn’t know better”, but the fact of the matter is that I didn’t, and at my age this is completely irresponsible and self-centered of me. By not maintaining a thorough understanding of comfort zones and boundaries, I’ve pushed people into corners, disrespected their personal space (online or otherwise) and made too many innocent people hurt at my personal gain.
To all of those I’ve affected, I will respect your privacy further by deleting numbers, Skypes, Facebooks, and severing any other social connections.
But while I will never speak to you again, I want you to know that I am truly and deeply sorry. I do not want or expect forgiveness. What I’ve done is something that cannot be repaired or solved through apologies. Your trust in me was disrespected (in most cases multiple times), and for me to think that I could earn your forgiveness is ignorant and exponentially disrespectful.
Nothing I can say can ever repay the emotional stress and discomfort that I’ve caused you all, but without an apology I’ve disrespected and ignored the impact of my actions on all of you, as I did so many times before.
I am guilty entirely and inexcusably for what I’ve done to you, and I wish you ALL the best in your future endeavors.